A Few Notes From 1992ish

a.k.a. The Land Social Media Forgot™

It’s been about three months now since I’ve been off most social media.

I say “most” because I still drop in every now and again, because I’m human and the FOMO is real. Also, a few of the year-long classes I’m in only have Facebook groups, and the lure of the news feed is strong, even with the best intentions.

Most of the time, I’ll admit, I’m kind of okay without the constant stream of dopamine and rage.

I didn’t really notice, at the time, just how much dopamine and rage these activities provided. It was just normal. Wake up, log in, start the feel-good ego indulgence and righteous outrage stream. I notice it now, obviously. After every casual look-see at the news feed, I feel kind of icky.

(I know. Specific, that. But “icky” is kind of apt. Not sad, not mad, not disgusted. But sort of low-level all of those plus a little self-recrimination for getting sucked into it at light speed, just for spice. Icky.)

There are some upsides to this, obviously:

1. I have a LOT more time in the day. When I’m not spending three or four (or more) hours in online discussion with friends¹ (and troglodytes in comment sections), there’s three or four hours I can spend on other things. Like making costumes for the dog and forcing him to act out movie scenes with me².

2. I have more energy for relationships. When I’m not in a constant state of semi-rage/excited flail-ery, I have the time and attention to give to the people who are important³. Or, at least, the time available is greater⁴.

3. I’m doing more things, partially because of the aforementioned hyperfocus issue, but also partially because of the sudden time vacuum created by the surgical removal of Mark Zuckerberg from my hippocampus.

4. I really do feel calmer and less agitated. I’m probably a better human for it.

There are, however, also some downsides with which I’m contending:

1. I sometimes feel disconnected, not just from the Stream O’ Rage, but also from things like my actual friends and the world at large. I don’t do a lot of news-reading these days, since the state of the world can send me into a spiral that ends up with being cocooned in blankets and thinking about doomsday prepping. So without social media posts about important things from people who aren’t as prone to catastrophizing, things happen that I’m totally unaware of. I don’t like that. I’m looking for a happy medium, preferably without a comment section.

2. I’m a little worried about irrelevance. One thing I found out quickly is that a lot of people that I thought were friends were actually only in my life because of convenience. As soon as I wasn’t supplying a stream of babble and comments and well-chosen memes, or I wasn’t available on <insert social media platform of choice here>, they weren’t going to take any effort to stay in touch. For some folks, I’m only relevant if I’m easy. Which kind of sucks.

3. And then there’s the folks who buy my stuff, but aren’t friends, per se. Marketing⁵ these days pretty much requires social media consistency. So being without it is a recipe for disaster, sales-speaking.⁶

I’m trying to just ignore all of that while I’m navigating this strange world without a “like” button.

(Ironic, since this very post has a “like” button. Ignore my hypocrisy for a moment while I find my point, thank you.)

One of the biggest brain-bombs that’s gone off in my head over the past three months is the thought that I’m not really influence-able now. I read things and have my own opinions on them, without seeing sixteen people on a message board trashing whatever it is that I thought I liked. Or I buy things because I actually want/need them, not because someone else said they tried it and liked it. I come up with ideas that aren’t necessarily planted by stuff other people have done or said or made an instagram reel about.

It’s hard to explain. It’s not like I’m not a critical thinker whether online or not, but there is an influence exerted by the people, opinions, and ideas we surround ourselves with⁷. Without that bubble of influence, I feel like I’m out here in the wild west/vast unknown, trying to figure out why I ever thought I needed (that book/that Thing/those ideas).

And it kind of makes me wonder who I’d have been if the internet wasn’t ever invented, to be honest. Who would I have been without dancing hamsters, geocities, or my first husband? Would I have kept writing or drawing things in the notebooks I used to obsessively keep? Would I have gone back to school post-accident⁸ and…dear god…been a lawyer right now⁹?

All of that’s really just a thought exercise, I know. It is what it is. But it’s one of those exercises that leads to a whole bunch of unanswerable questions and a long snuggle session with your dog¹⁰ while you spiral in an existential crisis.

In other words, a normal Tuesday offline. :)

Navel-gazing aside, it’s supposed to be summer again today here.

We’ve had over a week of Autumn-adjacent weather, and I’m completely spoiled by it. Summer’s reasserting itself today (90º temps! ARGH.), so I’m hoping to spend a little time on the patio, puttering in the garden, and continuing to Make All The Things™. I’ve got most of the pages done for the books I’ve been obsessing over working on, so I’m slowly reaching the end of this particular hyperfocus go-round.

I’d love to hear what you think about the role the internet’s played in what/who you are today, though.

(Post Irony #2: asking for opinions online about the influence of online opinions on your own thoughts/growth. I know. Ignore that, too.) :D

1. I almost said “online friends”, but my online friends ARE friends. Some of whom I’ve known longer than a lot of real-life, fleshspace friends. And we’ve culturally dissected the nature of online friendships before, so there’s no point in rehashing that. Online friends = “real” friends. So there.

2. Fidler on the Roof is much more fun when the babushkas are all played by Oliver Porkchop wrapped in a blanket. I’m just saying.

3. And the dog. Obvi.

4. Caveat: I’m still essentially a bog troll with no sense of time and the occasional need to just sit in my marsh-moss and listen to silence and cricketsong. It’s an activity change, not a personality overhaul.

5. In the most benign sense of that word. Not aggressive BUY MY SHIT marketing, but the hey, I did a thing style definition of it. Which is much more my speed.

6. If a product drops in the woods and no one is there to tweet about it, does it make a sound? Data would suggest that no. No, it does not.

7. Capitalism loves this, btw. The best marketing (that word again) makes you think you decided you need a Thing they’re selling, and social media/online influence makes that infinitely easier.

8. For newbs: I was a passenger in a car hit by a drunk driver. My head slammed into the rear-view mirror and then the dash, and for a while, I forgot how words and pretty much everything else worked. It was an interesting period of my life, if by “interesting”, you mean the whole “may you live in interesting times” curse.

9. The magic 8-ball says no way. But what if…?

10. dressed in a babushka costume, natch.