Some things I know to be true

or: pithy memes I live my life by.

Someone asked if I had any words of wisdom for their kid, who’s graduating soon and is kind of flailing around trying to figure out who she wants to be.

And once I recovered from the idea that anyone would want me to give them actual advice, which left me in stunned silence for probably three beats longer than it should have, I tried to list out a few of the true things in life that I know for sure, and which I wish I would have learned sooner¹.

I still think I’m in precisely no position to be giving anyone advice, as I’m literally sitting here at 2 p.m. in my pajamas for the second day in a row, eating Goldfish crackers and chocolate covered raisins for lunch, but here we are².

1. Everything is interesting if you look at it closely enough.

This is why I’m never bored, and why I love talking to people³. If something seems like it might bore you, take a closer look. There is inevitably something that will catch your interest.

Literally everything is a rabbit hole, if you’re not too busy to pay attention. And some of the best stuff comes from places you’d never expect.

2. Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.

I fail on this one sometimes, because complaining is pretty much de rigeur these days. It seems like it’s much more fun for people, collectively, to rip stuff to shreds. Being critical is entertainment, and folks just love feeling like they’re better than whatever it is you’re talking about, and you, by proxy, for caring about it.

Here’s the thing, though: while criticism is necessary for growth⁴, it’s easy to let criticism turn into yucking someone’s yum. It’s great that you hate <insert popular thing here>. Sadly, nobody asked you.

I want to know what you love. Tell me what you like about the stuff you like. Tell me why you think it’s important/entertaining/interesting. If you don’t like a thing, don’t engage with it. Let other people like it, and tell me instead what you love. Be a giant nerd about it, in fact.

There’s more than enough negativity and more than enough unasked-for opinions out there. Be the one who spotlights the good.

Love what you love, and love it loudly.

3. It’s all a good time….or a good story.

Long ago, I realized that I am uniquely prone to things going completely tits up in any situation. I am the chaos-bringer. Boring meeting with me? Aliens⁵ will land in the middle of your kitchen. Heading out for routine errands? I’ll be driving right through the path of the World Naked Bike Ride⁶. Having a perfectly normal coffee with friends? Someone will run up, pour hot coffee on me, yell that they know I’m aiming my “cosmic rays” at them, and run away⁷.

But I find that even road trips that go wildly awry make for good stories.

And all the best stories have plot twists.

4. You aren’t the main character in everyone’s story…but you ARE the main character in YOUR story.

While the world doesn’t revolve around me, my life does.

That means that I get to make the decisions, decide who to gather around me for co-stars⁸, and pick the settings. The plot doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but me. It’s okay if the character arc is weird to other people, because it’s not their arc to play.

And if I want to write someone out of the script who’s being a distraction from my plot, I can do that. Villains can have their own features…elsewhere.

It’s up to me whether or not I get to the happy ending at the end, or how much I can give of my side-character-ness to other folks to help their own (hopefully happy) endings.

I’m essentially a main character with directorial credit⁹.

I’m okay with that.

5. Starting things and not finishing them is still infinitely cooler than not doing anything at all.

I’ve found that diving into a thing that interests me, even if I have no idea if I’ll have any aptitude in it at all, is a better course of action than planning a thing to death and never starting it. Because that’s what happens, most of the time — I’ll plan and plan, buy the stuff I think I need, watch four billionty tutorials or pick up sixteen introductory books….and then realize that collecting the stuff was more fun than doing the thing.

Does it mean I have a long list of things I started and then found out I don’t really like as much as I thought? Yes.

Does it mean I have a long list of things I started and ended up finishing because I found out I love doing them and am really glad I took the leap to start? Also yes.

Plus, the people in the cheap seats, bitching about your failed efforts and/or trying to imply that you’re a mockable/bad human because you actually did a thing? Unless you’re asking them for advice, you should absolutely not accept their criticism¹⁰.

I still think I’m about as qualified to dole out advice as a fish is qualified to do actual brain surgery, but here we are.

What tenets do you live your life by? Did I miss a few (hundred)? What else should I tell this kid?

I’m open to ideas.

1. Good lord. I just realized that some poor soul thinks I am a wisened elder. I fear for our future if that’s the case.

2. in my defense, I’m home alone this weekend, and I am an adult and will do what I want. So there.

3. One on one. Crowds will drain my energy faster than a car battery with a stuck headlight.

4. Or, at least, constructive criticism is.

5. or a giant spider, though most of those are pretty much extraterrestrial anyway, iMHO.

6. This actually happened to me.

7. This also actually happened to me at a Starbucks in the middle of Portland.

8. Or a supporting cast, since not everyone has that many lines in the script of your life.

9. Does this qualify one for a SAG card? Asking for a friend.

10. hint: I’m never asking for their advice. Ever.